The last few hours in Geneva , after a breakfast of a yoghurt and forticip Joe needed to talk to me so he suggested we sit on the balcony of the our room on the 6th floor. The heavy laden question was to find out what my intentions were in relation to being buried or cremated . I knew it was a hard question for him to ask but I made it easy for him , but that led to a discussion which was a little harder.I did shed a few tears but got myself together to fight the battles of the day again.
Mindfulness is my shield in this battle as I felt the sun on my back and the warmth of Joe’s hand on my head a gesture of supporting me ,I listened to distant tones of a saxophone from a busker and watched the busy world below as commuters ran for trams, shoppers collecting an array of carriers bags with gifts to take home, workman drilling into concrete pavements, business men negotiating deals over a coffee. Before we picked up are luggage and then we strolled along the pavements cafes to the landmark fountain of Geneva before we picked up our luggage and set off to the station. As we waited for the airport train, I so wanted to say Joe how important it was to spend some time with him and how proud I am of him and that I know he has all resources to live a good life and what I had regretted as a parent, but I can write all this down for him , there is always a way.
A sense of complete fatigue was my opponent in the battle of today I just wanted a strong coffee but increasingly drinking any form of liquid is getting really hard as I choke or dribble it over my clothes. So drinking on public places is now taboo and I envisage soup will be replaced with forticip down my tube monster in the next few weeks as it is not a pleasure eating now it is just an anxiety provoked moment.
Ruth picked is up from the airport and I struggled to keep my eyes open. Again I wanted to tell Ruth about our travels and the places we visited and how we managed but I was too tired to type away . She understood as we watched a film to distract me from the heavy feeling I had as I realised that precious time with the boys was over.