I want to dedicate this blog to all my long suffering friends and family who have travelled this road WITH me . Stuart my blog MND friend describes feeling in a bubble of love and I have certainly got that bubble feeling too.
It is two years since that dreadful day when I became concerned about my ever increasing speech problems. I delivered a lecture on CBT for psychosis for students on my mates course Ian, during the lecture i told him that was struggling to speak. As I cycled home I had a nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach that something was seriously wrong and I couldn’t just ignore anymore. I had cast it to the back of my mind since January 2012.
I was alone that night and started to play around with words; speech problems, nerves twitters, throat problem . As I gained more information I watched in horror as I gained more knowledge and realised that I had MND, it couldn’t be anything else I just knew it , I panicked and became breathless and faint. I then rang Ian up to tell him my reality, although he was sceptical he did come around to support me, and he got my he came around as he knew things were not right with me, and he connected Louise to stay the night with me.
After this night it took a whole year of tests, scans and painful conduction tests, lumber punctures and appointments in Sheffield until I eventually got the official diagnosis . So two years on and my friends and family are supporting me, being there for me at the dreadful clinic appointments and hospice visits. Being there for me when I cry, there for me when I am fearful and there for me to share pleasurable moments.
I can’t express in words how much love I have felt over these two years. I know that those who have supported me will carry on and continue to support me on this road until it stops , this is so reassuring as this MND road can be scary and lonely as I can’t join in the normal social activities and I can’t really give much to anyone any more. I guess I will be more dependent on them, Sam told me that I need to readjust and accept this end phase of my life to allow people to care for me in these hard times.
Today I received a book from colleagues at work for my retirement it contained so many lovely comments from many people , some I didn’t think knew me !!! So thank you for that book it meant a lot to have those messages and I can pick it up and read it when I am having a hard time.
So I will end this blog by saying that I believe that Karma (not my cat who is called Karma) is around and I hope those people who are supporting me will get support at the end of their lives too. I hope I am able to allow the warm feeling of giving and I am not too difficult. I know I want to be independent but I have accepted that I need help now.
So today, be mindful of your friends and family, give them a special hug, if you haven’t heard from them maybe this can be nudge to get hold of them and tell them that you love them!
So a virtual hug to everyone far and wide to those have given me supportive comments to making phone calls for me and holding my hand when I cry, I cannot express my gratitude. The photograph depicts the sunshine, joy and love that friends and family have brought into my life … thank you everyone from the bottom of my depths of my soul.