Ok , I felt sorry for myself for two days … Enough!!!
Stayed home, lying in bed under the covers feeling upset , feeling angry , feeling bitter.Hiding from reality, hiding from potential support, hiding from myself. After too many hours I read my texts , one was from my Buddhist mate to meet up and I then decided to get up and go to a meeting with him .
When I entered the meeting room it felt coming home, I sat and listened to how I need to observe my behaviour more often, viewing my predicament from a different perspective. To be gentle with myself not but indulging in pathetic self indulgent behaviours. When I get into this circular jumble, I just feel lonely , sad and it’s a complete waste of precious time. No-one can predict the future and neither can I, I could have appreciated the day with limitations or not.
When I think about how I was six months ago I spent too much worrying about the future, and that is such wasted time. Yes, you can plan for the future but worry is wasted energy. I need to be positive and take care of my hand so it will heal and I can paint again. Sometimes you have to trust yourself that when big decisions need to be made , but worrying will cloud the clarity when you really need it .
So when you are negative and low recognise if you are in a similar merry -go- round .. Step off , give yourself a hug of confidence , live in the moment and trust yourself to make the right decision when you need to and that worrying is not helpful.
So I stepped down of the merry -go- round of negative thoughts of the dismal future and instead took an uphill road to embracing the future with a fighting will and to maintain my important tasks and launched myself instead of doing something proactive and positive by looking towards the awareness day.