Before we left to come home Louise and I spent the morning walking around Battersea Park. I have never spent time in the part of London . Te park was good with the Thames running alongside it. As we were walking around and contemplating a rowing boat these sumo wrestler runners came bay , then another three and we realised that it was a charity run for one of my favourite charities PLAN .. This is the charity I posted a while ago about educationist and caring for children in third world countries .
My walking is slow now and silent so I spend my time looking more , the shape and girth of the trees, the colours in the bark , the changing sky and the shadows the sun makes. Sadly I am finding harder to smell subtle aromas but I can just barely get a whiff , that has changed as smells used to take my breath away.
By midday we were on way on home after a fun, enjoyable weekend with many pleasant memories . At the station Louise and I had a discussion about the advantages of a long and drawn out illness and then eventual death or a short, quick death. I think former is better for relatives and friends as you have a chance to say goodbye and say things you need to say which I didn’t have time to do for Tim, but is not nice for the person as you have to live with bad thoughts for such a long time and you have the challenge of loss of dignity and increasing dependence every day .
When I got home my energy was completely depleted but both my sons were home and it felt good just to chill out in a familiar place , with all the comfort of ready available food. Going away is so good but also coming home is equally goods s especially when Sam and Joe are home it just feels like home is complete . I just get so frustrated that I can’t have the conversations we used to have, but they try and so do I and that’s all we can do . Another loss for us all .