When I reflect of past events I realise that my life is changing rapidly. Last year I was planning a holiday to Croatia, I hadn’t started my blog as I was getting my head around my diagnosis, I could still eat and drink and I was independently meeting my sons in York as I could walk without falling!
Time rushes on like the last few days of holidays and I feel we must keep abreast of the changes in life. I recall I was very resistance to using computerised case notes at work, using DVDs instead of cassettes, microwaves and ‘smart’ mobile phones. When I have challenged my reluctance to run with the changing world, I feIt that I was running in a team instead putting my hands on my hips and being stubborn.
As I get older I need to realise also that it’s not only technology that is changing quickly but my relationship with my family and friends are also changing. I need to be cognisant that I need to change and respect my sons for the steps they taking in the earth instead of telling them how to walk and where they should go. This week a generous woman gave me a reference to a poem. I want to share this bit of wisdom to you as it helped me letting my sons become men and I realised that they don’t need me now and the precious months I have I can walk beside them as I realise that our relationship has changed. The poem is by Khalil Gibran as he explains your children are not yours, you don’t own them, you are like the bows and they are the arrows . You make them strong and take a place to where they can shoot and you teach them how to aim straight but you cannot determine where the arrows hit the ground (http://www.katsandogz.com/onchildren.html) .
I have to realised that relationships change and maybe they want to support me now and I have finally accepted as their arrows have the hit the earth and I so proud of them where they are in their earth, they are aware of where they are in life and recognise other people in the world and they are gentle but have attitudes that echo their dad, I know Tim would have been so proud of them like me.
I realise I resist changes in changes in body now, I don’t want to accept the changes in my body but if I resist them I get frustrated so I need to accept what comes along. Sometimes I want to stay still, I want to be stable for a while, I don’t want more symptoms, I don’t want deteriorate but I need to accept that everyone’s body goes into deteriorate mode, your hair, skin, brain, eyes and bones all start to deteriorate at 30 yrs. We must concede to our bodies and rejoice whatever age you are. My body is ageing too soon. my hands look like a 90 years old. ageing for me is like my life is on fast forward mode. If I don’t concede to this deteriorating disease and I become stubborn and will become angry and frustrated so I try cherish the my limited independence. When I climb the stairs at night I relish that I can still put myself to bed. So applaud your body as well as your day, that you can still run, eat apples, see the sunset and hear your friend stories and walk up a mountain, ride a bike and if you cannot do these things accept what you can do and keep it going as long as you can.
If you are reading this and you have MND, life is concentrated so cherish the day that you can do things and don’t get caught up with the future. It will come so soon and when it comes just accept it and focus on what you can do and accept what you can’t do anymore.