I have just got back from South Wales … We stayed in a former tavern called George House in Solva which is brilliant cottage with so many antiques and interesting paintings, it is so old but the owners have made it so easy with updated appliances. We had a wonderful view of the sea and an olive tree in the back garden. I slept on the lawn and it felt like I was abroad. Solva is a brilliant village a sandy beach,harbour, good places to eat and galleries.
We had a good day out before we left, we visited the town of Narbeth first, it full of quirky shops and galleries. Then we went onto Tenby, I loved this town we went as a family in 1993 when the boys were toddlers and we were so in love, I was so happy then, I didn’t realise that the years to come would be so hard. If you are happy be content and relish the moment.
We went home via the little sandy cove where my fathers ashes were scattered, Cwm y Eglwys, it was a cold day and the wind is bracing. We went onto to Borth beach next, we went a few years ago and walked the coast with Ruth and Joe when I was well 2010, I realise I have memories before and after my diagnosis. I really wanted to return to see the the remains of the ancient forest which was uncovered during the storms in February.. Ruth was a bit reluctant that I could cope with the walk along the beach as the wind was so forceful and it took my breath away. I was so determined, I try to overcome obstacles and if I say ‘no’ and I can’t do the things I want, I might lie down and give in to MND. She supported me and I am so glad she did as I couldn’t go on my own as I had to grasp her arm to stop falling. On the beach we spotted massive trunks from oak trees and they were birch, pine and alder. I so wanted to feel them and walk around the forest which was here 5,000 years ago. We walked though puddles and we overcome the pebbles and fought the cold wind and I did it !! I made it to the forest and felt the trees which was so soft, it was like stroking an animal. It was so amazing!!!!!
On our way back I became exhausted the wind was so strong, and I couldn’t lift my foot up enough to negotiate the pebbles so I fell on my hands luckily I didn’t have a stick, I couldn’t get up as I was giggling so much… Ruth was trying to pull me up but we both laughing so we had a tussle with the pebbles, sand and the wind. I eventually got up and we had a load of driftwood and stones. They pebbles were perfect for painting as they were flat and had a level surface. So if you want a painted stone it will come from Borth and good memories.
After Borth we went home via the Cambrian mountains, the pine forests were swaddled by the light mist and the lambs were frolicking in the beams of sunshine. It was a significant journey I wanted to catch everything in my memory bank as I looked at the different structures of the trees without the leaves and highlighted by the sunset? It was such a beautiful sight as we meandered on the small lanes and went through the small towns on the border of Wales and Cheshire. We arrived at home to a have a hug with my sister Sue and niece, Nicola, the house was full of candles and scented freesias.
So I am still living with MND and I have laughs and sadness but I am continuing experiencing life. I am still deteriorating as I get closer to the end stage. I fear about how I will die. Even the people in death row will know how they will die! I wish I had the choice of Dignitas in UK. I might not take the opportunity but it will comfort me now if I had the option. I fear most of being in pain and not be able to communicate without the ability to type. I fear of dying of suffocation, the inability of getting my breath. Tomorrow at 9am on BBC Radio 4 , Sir Chris Woodhead a former school inspector who has MND , is to be interviewed about having the right to die without suffering.
I need to give you a message about the Midnight Walk for St Anne’s Hospice which have been very helpful to me, they are the best and they help so many people like me and like you. This year we are meeting on May 9th in the evening to make our star hats and plan our team. So if you want to be part of the team either reply to the blog or reply to Facebook Lindsay Rigby and I will give you the details of the planning meeting or if you want to just come on the walk we will make you a hat !!!
If you want to see the blog last time read the blog it’s Day 89 – A wonderful team.
Happy Easter , have fun and spend time with your loved ones xx