I am in Dorset after a six hours journey, it was uncomfortable as I haven’t got a bottom! The first night we stayed in a yurt, it had a clear window in the roof, we had a view of the cloudy night, no stars unfortunately but the wood burner kept the atmosphere cosy. In the morning we had we changed to a Finnish wood chalet. We are situated in the middle of a field with a view of horses and sheep. The farm is busy …. they have Guinea fowl, a bad tempered, ugly turkey, randy cocks beside sublime hens and geese, they waddle around the farm like a illustration in a book with bright orange beaks and milky feathers and a peacock, he has a extravagant display, showy eyes of turquoise and emerald to the peahen.
The first day we went to Lyme Regis … Ruth pushed me along the promenade beside pebble beaches,sand beaches and a harbour, she learning to handle me in a wheelchair around the narrow lanes with art galleries and teashops.We sat in striped deck chairs for a while as I watched bathers, parents and grandparents with their children building sandcastles, families tucking into a picnic, couples holding hands as they brave the sea, groups of teenagers eating fish and chips.I felt I was ghost observing the living.
We went to Chisel Beach, a 18 mile spit of pebbles, I couldn’t reach the sea but I managed to walk on the beach. We sat on the small, shiny and smooth stones of very colour,. The warm breeze was cuddling our bodies. Ruth is so kind as she walks with me everywhere so I don’t fall, and she gives me choice about my decisions. It must hard for her as she eats alone, drinks alone, she can’t chat to me and I can’t help her to pack and tidy up the chalet. She is always there for me and she doesn’t complain.
When we have enough sun, we winded our way on drover’s narrow sunken lanes to the farm. As the sun was going down the brilliant light makes the green leaves intense. I love the end of the day, it feels relaxed, but we had a vibrant noise from the back of the car when we stopped we found the exhaust had fallen off. So the next day we had no car, we had a sedate day ,,,painting, watching a film and viewing the scenic view. Ruth went out but she brought me a posy of red campion, bindweed and vetch. Sadly I can’t read as the print in my books, is fuzzy, that’s the side effects of the medication, eyelids are weak I struggle to blink and when I close my eyes I really have to focus to open them. I didn’t know MND would affect eyes but it can affect every voluntary muscle in the body.
Lord Falconer’s Assisted Dying Bill will be debated and maybe voted tomorrow. A potential change in the law for terminally ill patients. If the bill is implemented , people like me would have a choice of when they want to die. It would mean I don’t need to struggle with loss of dignity.. I have no speech, my hands are getting weak and have a battle to walk and dress ….I will be soon locked in, all my dignity will go as I have to have carers to get me on the toilet, change my knickers and clean my teeth. I can’t communicate unless I have eye gaze technology. If I want to end my life I have the choice of suicide on my own and it might not work and if I don’t succeed I might be in a mental health hospital with my colleagues and former students observing me everyday or I can go to Dignitas in Zurich away from family and friends or can stop fluid and food . I would interested in your views on this …you can reply to this blog and maybe we can have a debate !!,